Connecting When Life is Heavy
Last Friday, I was invited to the Phillips Brooks House Association’s 2026 Robert Coles Call of Service ceremony honoring Dr. Vivek Murthy along with the life and legacy of Dr. Robert Coles. Held at The First Parish in Harvard Square, a 200-year-old church with a nearly 400-year-old congregation, this event’s lessons were as spiritual and uplifting as the venue.
Dr. Murthy is an icon and a personal hero of mine. During his time as US Surgeon General, he sounded the alarm of the public health issues stemming from our crisis of disconnection and continues to champion the need for more connected communities through his consulting work, podcast, Substack, and as co-chair of the World Health Organization’s Commission on Social Connection.
After he was presented with the award, Dr. Murthy was interviewed by two Harvard University undergraduates, both changemakers in their own right with strong calls to serve others. Their questions were particularly poignant and, given the nature of this award, were focused largely on how we connect with and serve other people.
Early in the conversation, they began talking about how to keep your focus and energy when the world is overwhelming. At this point, Dr. Murthy paused and asked the audience, “how many of you feel the world is heavy right now?” Nearly every hand in the audience, including mine, went up.
He challenged all of us to look past the heaviness being fed to us by the media and reminded us that people are, generally speaking, kind, heart-centered, and driven to help others. That while bad things certainly happen and we shouldn’t minimize their impact, there is more good in the world than we are led to believe and conflict is what makes the headlines.
I wrote a post last December about Finding Light Amongst the Darkness which reflects on our ability to shift our perspective by changing which messages we choose to take in on social media. Yes, there can actually be an upside to social media and researchers at UC Santa Barbara found that consuming more inspiring content increased levels of hope and reduced our stress.
When confronted with the heaviness and feeling hopeless, Dr. Murthy reminds himself that “the bones of humanity are still good” and that “kindness is a source of strength.” He talked at length about how there is a spark of goodness in each of us that’s waiting to be seen. Our spark may flicker or get larger or smaller depending on what we’re facing and feeling, but it’s always in us and seeing that light in others is what sparks connection.
So, if we’re craving connection and looking to activate that spark, what’s stopping us?
More in Common, a nonprofit that seeks to bring Americans together to tackle our shared challenges, published The Connection Opportunity in early 2025, the results of a two-year study that addressed two key questions: Do Americans want to connect with people who are different from them? And, if so, what’s standing in their way?
That study found that Americans across all demographics want to connect with others and work together to improve their communities. People want to build relationships, particularly with people they don’t know, but are afraid to for a number of reasons. Whether they’re concerned about being shunned for political beliefs, unclear about how to start the conversation, or believe that others won’t want to engage with them, people are choosing to stay isolated in order to avoid their fears. So, the desire is there, but the barriers (both real and perceived) prevent us from forging relationships that can improve our lives.
Social Connection in America is a 25-year survey by RAND and The Connection Institute which recently published its updated findings for 2026. Among the wealth of information in their latest report, one statistic stuck out to me. While building bridges across difference is the biggest lever to strengthen communities, just over a third of Americans (37%) say they engage with people from different backgrounds or viewpoints on a regular basis, and nearly 20% say they rarely or never connect with people different from themselves.
And yet, the survey highlights a major cause for optimism: “Most Americans report feeling they belong in their neighborhood (70.6%), while many say neighbors are willing to help one another (58%) and can be trusted (49.9%).” Both this finding and The Connection Opportunity report show that the foundation is there. Most of us want to connect with others and feel a sense of belonging in our neighborhoods. The next step is turning that desire into action.
What's the value in pushing past our fears and building bridges with people who are different from us? Dr. Murthy offered a powerful answer near the end of his fireside chat.
He shared insights from his time as a clinician working with patients nearing the end of their lives. He mentioned that, time and again, what they reflected on in their final days were stories about people. Not money or title or fame, but how they connected and engaged with others.
As Dr. Murthy reminded us, we don’t have to wait until the end of our lives to connect with and serve others. In fact, doing it now may be the biggest way we can inspire and uplift ourselves.
Are you struggling to forge connections and engage with others, particularly during challenging times? This is one of the many things I work on with clients here at The Connectors, please reach out anytime if I can help. You can always drop me a line at hello@theconnectors.net.
Comments